The Art of Receiving Feedback: Navigating the Dance of Humility and Discernment

Getting feedback on your work and creations can be daunting. I've been there. The initial fear of exposing your work and imagination to scrutiny can feel excruciatingly vulnerable. Yet, to improve your craft, receiving feedback with an open heart and discerning mind is essential. 

One crucial thing to remember is that feedback is not about you personally; it’s about your work. It serves the purpose of helping your creation grow and reach its higher potential. Understanding this distinction is vital. Often, our ego gets attached to our work, making it hard to separate personal feelings from constructive criticism. Feedback is meant to enhance the quality of your work, not to judge you as an individual.

Timing plays a significant role. The kind of feedback you need changes with the stages of the creative process. For instance, during the early stages of writing my first novel, the feedback I received was less about refinement and more about navigating the chaos of initial drafts. At that point, the feedback felt overwhelming, but was also necessary. My first editor, Allison Williams gave me a wise nugget that has stuck with me ever since: it’s okay to take a few days to wallow in the misery of all the work still left before diving back in. This period of wallowing allows you space to be human! And once you’re done with the angst, you can then move to the next step – processing the scope of the feedback and preparing mentally for the work ahead.

Discerning who you receive feedback from is equally important. Be it fellow writers or friends and family, who you choose should have relevant experience. But no matter how skilled they are, they should also be capable of providing objective and honest feedback with kindness and respect. Not an easy ask. And yet, this is key! The ability to convey feedback with empathy can make a significant difference in how it is received and implemented.

Another way you can learn about the critiquing process is by giving it to others. This helps you understand what makes appraisal effective and how to deliver it in a constructive manner. Additionally, it helps you see your own work from a different perspective, highlighting areas you might have overlooked.

Receiving feedback frequently is also such an important practice in reducing your ego – and you’ll need that ego management as a creative person because eventually what you weave has to be so much bigger than you, and your expectations. The more you expose your work to critique, the easier it becomes to handle constructive criticism without feeling personally attacked. Over time, you’ll learn to embrace feedback as a tool for growth rather than a judgment of your abilities.

So, in nutshell, here are some key takeaways for navigating the feedback process:

1. Seek Feedback: Make it a regular part of your creative process 

2. Detach from Ego: Remember that advice received serves your work, not your ego

3. Practice Makes Perfect: The more you receive appraisal, the easier it gets

4. Give Feedback: Providing insights to others helps you learn and improve

5. Choose Wisely: Be discerning about who you receive feedback from and who you give it to 

Sometimes, like in Zen and Samurai stories, we need hard knocks and tough lessons to rise stronger and higher. Over the years, I’ve learnt to embrace this dance of humility and discernment. And I think Rick Rubin in his book, “The Creative Act: A Way of Being” captures this best when he writes:

“Sharing art is the price of making it. Exposing your vulnerability is the fee.” 

and 

“If someone chooses to share feedback, listen to understand the person, not the work.”